Sunday, 28 November 2010

Friday, 19 November 2010

women....


Sign From God


A woman and a man are

involved in a car accident;

it's a bad one.


Both of their cars are totally

demolished but amazingly neither

of them are hurt.



After they crawl out of their cars,

the woman says,

"So you're a man; that's interesting.


I'm a woman.


Wow,just look at our cars!

There's nothing left,

but fortunately we are unhurt.


This must be a sign from God

that we should meet and be friends

and live together in peace for

the rest of our days..
"

Flattered, the man replies,

"Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!"


The woman continues,

"And look at this, here's another miracle.


My car is completely demolished

but this bottle of wine didn't break.


Surely God wants us to drink this

wine and celebrate our

good fortune.
"


Then she hands the bottle to the man.


The man nods his head in agreement,

opens it and drinks half the bottle

and then hands it back to the woman.



The woman takes the bottle,

immediately puts the cap back on,

and hands it back to the man.



The man asks,

"Aren't you having any?"


The woman replies,

"No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Don't Hurt Anyone



Mistakes




..
What they actually mean



If a barber makes a mistake,

It's a



If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a

New path


If a engineer makes a mistake,

It is a



If parents makes a mistake,

It is a



If a politician makes a mistake,

It is a



If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a



If a tailor makes a mistake,

It is a



If a teacher makes a mistake ,

It is a



If our boss makes a mistake,

It is a

New idea


If an employee makes a mistake,

It is a

'Mistake'
No argument, please!




"long piak!"
(a.k..a. banging against the wall)

Know where to cross the border...


If You Cross The North Korean Border Illegally
You get 12 years Hard Labour.

If You Cross The Iranian Border Illegally
You Are Detained Indefinitely.

If You Cross The Afghan Border
Illegally, You Get Shot.

If You Cross The Saudi Arabian Border Illegally
You Will Be Jailed.

If You Cross The Chinese Border Illegally
You May Never Be Heard Again.

If You Cross The Venezuelan Border Illegally
You Will Be Branded A Spy And Your Fate Will Be Sealed.

If You Cross The Cuban Border Illegally
You Will Be Thrown Into Political Prison To Rot.

If You Enter Britain Illegally
You Will be Arrested, Prosecuted And Sent To Prison And Deported

If You Are An Indonesian AND ILLEGALLY CROSS THE MALAYSIAN BORDER

YOU GET:

MyPR (Permanent Residence / Pemastautin Tetap)
A Driving License,
Voting Rights
Job Reservation,
Special Privilege to be Consider as Bumi,
Credit Cards,
Subsidized Rent Or A Loan To Buy A House,
Free Education,
Free Health Care,
and if you are a clever , you can be a Menteri Besar or even Prime Minister!

Oh Malaysia, what a great country!!

I e-meow U, U e-meow meMonday

Dear Ah Lian,
Thanks you for your letters. Wrong time no see you. How anything? For me, I am quiet find. You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your face look? Somemore you must wear high hill kick kok shoe, hope you can wok properly wit out felling over. You know, Ah Kau Kia working start in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his junk friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. We so drown we no go toilet but pee pees on the floor. Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. My brother eye deer also to in white the kampong head. I only hope one day we no need write you and send litters to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup you soon. And when you got time, please few free call up to me. Good bye.....

Wormedst regret,
Ah Beng